I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
