do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
