What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
