i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
