this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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