I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
