I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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