You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
