I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
