All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
