Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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