I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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