haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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