So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
