New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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