her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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