Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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