bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
