MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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