What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
