I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
