I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
