Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
