yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
