I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
