dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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