I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
