Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
