note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
