We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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