Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
