My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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