At least make sure they are 18
Why
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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