BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
