The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
