I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She told me I should be a condom model.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
