i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
