Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
