at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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