At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
