I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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