She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
