i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
