Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
