the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
