If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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