we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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