I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
