Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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