I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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