things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
